Introducing the Characters
The First Day
October 4, 1986
Battler: Whoa... Things sure move with the times... I can't believe we'll be able to make the trip in just twenty minutes...
I couldn't help but scratch my head and marvel at how far things have come in recent years.
We used to go by boat.
Back then, we were all forced to endure nearly half a day of sawying back and forth over the sea before we reached Niijima. Things have gotten so much more convenient these days.
Still, I've never been on a plane this small.
I've flown in a huge jumbo jet before, but this will be my first experience in such a tiny one.
...It's going to shake, isn't it...
They say that smaller boats shake more, so I guess the same rule probably applies to planes.
...Aaah, just spare me.
George: Haahahaha, don't worry, Battler-kun. It'll shake much less than that boat did.
Battler: Gyah?! ...I, is that you, George-aniki?! Heheh, don't scare me like that... you just shaved three years off my life. Anyway, what's shaking got to do with anything? Ihihihi, you don't think I'm actually scared of the plane shaking or maybe falling out of the sky or something, ri~ght?
George: Oh, of course now, my mistake. I see you've changed a lot since we last saw you. After all, it's been six years since then. You're not a kid anymore. Hahahahaha.
Battler: Sheesh, and here you are, old enough to smoke and drink. I've got no interest in smoking, but I've always wanted to try some booze, heheheh! Well, if you've got your dad's genes, I'll bet you can hold your own when it comes to drinking, right?
George: Well, I usually drink for business rather than pleasure. It's pretty hard to do business in Japan without it.
Battler: Ihihihi! That's exactly right! That's why I never miss a chance to get in some practice!
George: Th, that's no good, Battler-kun, you're still a minor! Drinking alcohol is known to stunt the growth of minors and...... um, never mind.
Battler: Come on, I'm tall enough already! In fact, it'd be easier to find clothes if I shrunk a little!
I puffed my chest out proudly.
Until I hit my growth spurt, my height was below average in my class.
But then, I grew and grew, and before I knew it, I'd passed 180cm (5ft 11in).
I guess I have all that muscle training and those shady mail-order performance-enhancing drugs to thank for that.
Before then, I'd never dreamed that I'd shoot 10cm above George-aniki, who'd reached his peak height early on.
.......Damn, I'll bet my relatives all say 'look how big you've grown, Battler-chan!' or something.
...It's all so embarassing... I wish they'd just give me a break.
Anyway, my name, 'Battler'...... well, it's pretty damn weird, don't you think?
I've got to wonder what my parents were thinking when they gave me that name. I've never met anyone who could read it right the first time.
I usually get called 'Sento-kun'. Unfortunately, that's not even close.
My name is written [characters].
Can you read it? The first part is my family name. 'Ushiromiya'. That's a fairly plausible Japanese pronunciation so far.
The problem is my own name.
......[characters] is made up of the characters for 'fight' and 'person', and it's pronounced 'Battler'.
Put it all together, and you've got Ushiromiya Battler.
Pretty crazy, right? It's crazy enough that my parents decided to call me that, but it's even more crazy that some government worker let them make it official. ...Both groups are at the top of my must-kill list.
Anyway, this is one of my cousins. His name is [characters], pronounced Ushiromiya George.
He's five years older than me, so he's probably turning 23 this year.
Since the Ushiromiya cousins consist of two boys and two girls, I ended up playing with George all the time.
And because I've always thought of him as a big brother, I still call him 'Aniki' today.
Hideyoshi: Whoo, Battler-kun, look how big you've gotten. You know what they say, 'leave a boy for three days and you'll hardly recognize him'!
Eva: It must be in his blood, I suppose. Rudolf wasn't that tall either until around his high school years. Perhaps people end up taller if their growth spurt comes late.
Battler: nah, it's nothing special. A real man needs to be tough on the inside too!
Hideyoshi: Exactly! Battler-kun here knows how it works! Real men win or lose based on what they've got on the inside! Can't ever forget to keep up your trainin' and discipline. You do that, wait ve-ry alertly for the perfect moment... and strike! Now, I never even imagined that I'd become the company president I am today, master of my own domain... Yep, to think I've come this far after starting out penniless and ruined...!
This stout, plump, old guy is George-aniki's dad, Hideyoshi [(characters)] oji-san.
He's the husband of Dad's older sister.
In other words, we're not blood-related.
He's nice to children, sociable all the time, and even quick to give out some spending money to us kids. Simply put, he's an awesome uncle.
He speaks in an odd and very noticeable Kansai dialect, but he's actually a natural-born Kanto man.
Apparently, impressions are everything in the business world, so speaking in a different style than other people is an act that makes him stick out more.
......However, I hear that he gets embarrassed when talking withing earshot of a real Kansai person, so he switches back to standard Japanese.
...I don't really get it, but he's definitely an interesting person.
Eva: If only you weren't so quick to brag about your life's story. That's enough for now, I think. I'm sure Battler's getting tired of it. Aren't you?
Battler: Nope, not at all, hihihi! Nothing wrong with that. I think it's pretty cool for a man to have some stories he can brag about. I don't have anything like that at all.
Eva: Oh, really? I'd imagine a man with your looks would leave girls crying left and right. I can't believe that you have nothing at all to brag about.
Battler: Wh, what? Y, y, you're jokung, right!? Or fourse nothing weird like that's ever happened to me! In fact, I'd rather it did!
Eva: Ah, so you do have some stories. ...*gigle* You must tell your aunt all about it later. After all, nothing of the sort ever happens to George. Heheheh...
This is my aunt and George-aniki's mother, Eva oba-san.
She's my Dad's older sister.
She and Hideyoshi oji-san are a pair of jokers, and they've always teased me back as far as I can remember.
This sometimes made them a bit hard to get along with when I was small.
...Well, I guess the events of the last 30 seconds prove that they can still be hard to get along with.
Even so, George-aniki's family is interesting and fun, and they seem to get along just fine.
......Sheesh, that's pretty much the total opposite of my family.
Kyrie: Battler-kun, have you seen Rudolf-san?
Battler: Huh? He headed off to the bathroom a while ago. Is he not back yet? Heh, maybe the poor geezer dropped dead, namunamunamu.
Kyrie: That's no way to talk about your own father. Still, this isn't the first time he's taken so long in the bathroom.
Battler: Yeah, the guy's always been that way. Does he really have to take a magazine with him every time he needs to take a dump? Oh, what on earth might he be doing with those?! Ihihi!
Kyrie: Oh, you don't need to worry about that at all. Since we've been together, I haven't let him do that on his own.
Battler: Hihihi! Ooooh, I'll have to get the juicy details later! Sounds like Dad's got his balls in an iron grip.
Kyrie: You know exactly what would happen with that man if I didn't keep a tight grip, don't you?
Battler: No kidding. You're the only one capable of reighinh in that old bastard. As his son, I'm more than happy to let you take over.
Kyrie: Yes, leave it all to me. After all, that's my specialty.
This woman is my father's wife.
Her name is Ushiromiya Kyrie.
As you can probably tell from our conversation, she's not my real mother.
She's basically my stepmother.
My real mom died six years ago.
Kyrie-san is the woman Dad married afterwards.
It's understandable for someone my age.
I could never bring myself to call his new wife 'Mom'.
And I doubt she feels like using the word 'son' on this massive kid who's no relation to her at all.
We aren't little kids.
We know there's nothing to be gained by fighting.
So, we decided that we woulnd't force ourselves to pretend that we were family.
I've decided to act a bit more frank with her, as though she's a friendly neighbor instead.
It's much easier to just keep a little distance, instead of forcing ourselves to act all close and making each other uncomfortable.
Kyrie-san has been very open about all this, and thanks to that, we've been able to get along pretty well.
Then, just when we were badmouthing Dad about being in the bathroom, the man himself came back, wiping his hands with a handkerchief.
Rudolf: Hmm? Battler.
Battler: Hey, what's up, Dad? ...Owowowowww! Don't pinch my ear, gaah!
Rudolf: So, you've been talking trash about me with Mom again, haven't you? What makes it so hard to show a little respect for your father, hmm?
Battler: Owowow, owowowowow! Dammit, that hurts! You ca stretch my ear all you want, but I'm not gonna be able to fly. That hurts!!
Rudolf: C'mon now. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right. Now say 'Father, please forgive me for being so rude'.
Battler: Like hell I will! Go find yourself some members-only store if you want it that much! Gyaah, let goooo!!
......This old bastard is my Dad.
I think I'm pretty tall, but Dad's about the same height.
It's probably no surprise that Eva oba-san started talking about Dad's blood when she saw my height.
By the way, my height isn't the only thing I got from him. It seems having weird names runs in the family.
Dad's full name is written [characters].
......You can't read it, can you?
Come on, it's just [characters].
Anyway, this guy's name is pronounced 'Rudolf'.
Haha... he must hate Grandfather for giving him that name.
Still, that's no reason to pass that weird naming tradition onto me.
As the old bastard twisted my ear all over the place, Eva oba-san snuck up behind him and grabbed his ear.
Eva: Hey, Rudolf? Isn't that child abuse?
Rudolf: Gyaah, that hurts, Aneki...
This scene perfectly illustrated the relationship between the prankster younger brother and the older sister who could deal out punishment to him despite his size.
Kyrie: I think that's good enough for now, Eva nee-san. I'll make sure to stretch out his other ear later on.
Eva: Oh, my apologies. I must leave some pulling for you to do, Kyrie-san. Rudolf? Make sure Kyrie-san gives you lots and lots of punishment later on, alright?
Rudolf: You're one to talk, Aneki, abusing your little brother like that. Hideyoshi nii-san, I'd like to thank you very much fro picking her up. If you hadn't been so generous, she'd still be unsold in the store. You have my gratitude and apologies.
Eva: ...Hmm~?! Who are you calling 'unsold'?
After taking 2... 3 steps back, Eva oba-san unleashed one of her beautiful high reverse roundhouse kicks, which stopped just a centimeter away from the tip of Dad's nose.
After starting out with Tai-chi-chuan for her figure, Eva oba-san then developed an interest in the Chinese martial arts. After that, she went through karate, tae kwon do, capoeira, ...and what is it she's learning now, again?
...Well anyway, they say a woman's weapons are in her lower body, and that's literally true for Eva.
Eva: Rudo~lf? Did you know that a single direct blow to the side of the head like that would knock you unconscious? Not so long ago, I accidentaly connected in a practice match and my opponent was out cold.
Rudolf: ...Shesh, what a pain. Guess I have to apologize for that strange way she walks too.
Dad, completely unfazed, shrugged and smiled ironically at Hideyoshi oji-san.
Hideyoshi: Wahahaha, never had a brother or sister, myself. So, when I see you two bickerin' with each other, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It sure is nice to have a big family and siblings.
Kyrie: Oh, then why not consider making a little brother for George-kun? He is already a fine adult who's about to go off on his own, so it might me a good time to have another child.
Rudolf: He, have a little sympathy for the kid and all the pain and suffering he'd have to live through. I'm surprised even George-kun turned out as well as he did after being born from this sinister sister of mine. And what an awesome kid he is. Please share some of that with our blockhead of a son someday, will you?
Kyrie: That's not how it worked. It's thanks to Eva nee-san's proper rearing that George-kun became the good, gentle kid he is now. Isn't that right, Nee-san?
Eva: Oh, come now. Heheh, you think so...? Our George still has a long way to go. Ah, by the way, how's your little Ange-chan doing? I heard she was vomiting?
Hideyoshi: Oh, that's right! And I was hopin' to finally see her face after such a long time. Is she alright?
Kyrie: She often catches a cold when the seasons change. She's very frail... I did want to bring her along, but we decided to have my family look after her this time.
Eva: I think that's a wise move. Sticking her in that venomous head house wouldn't do her any good at all. A child's health is always more important than an adult's convenience, don't you think?
Hideyoshi: I know of some greatr medicine for vomitin' colds like that! When we get back home, I'll send some to you right away, so please let her use it!
Kyrie: Thank you very much, Hideyoshi nii-san. I'm always in your debt...
...And once the conversation suddenly veered off in that direction, we kids didn't have any chance of butting in.
For now, I'm just happy that Eva oba-san gave Dad his just deserts for tugging on my ear.
George: Are we still waiting for the weather report?
George-aniki pointed at the counter.
The 'checking weather' sign was still stuck next to the departure times for the flight we were scheduled to board.
According to Aniki, smaller planes are more subject to winds and other effects of the weather, and it's not at all uncommon for flights to be delayed because of that.
......Wait a sec, it isn't really going to shake... is it...?
From down here on the ground, it just looks cloudy, not windy.
...Well, I guess it's different up where the planes fly.
Eva: The weather's a bit uncertain today.
Eva oba-san looked at a TV in the lounge.
The weather forecasr was being broadcast, informing us that a typhoon was approaching the Kanto region.
Rudolf: A typhoon again? ......I guess it's unavoidable, with the annual family conference being held in October. Couldn't he choose a better season?
Eva: I agree. I've always hoped we could have it sometime around the Obon festival in mid-August. In that case, why don't you suggest that to Father and Nii-san during the conference?
Rudolf: ...Very funny. Why don't you do it yourself? Our brother would never listen to anything I suggested.
Eva: No way. It doesn't really bother me that much to have it in October. I just suggested that you might want to propose it to them, since you said you hate typhoons so much.
Rudolf: I only said that typhoons always come around this time of year. You're the once who said you wanted to move it to the Obon festival, right?
Eva: Well, you said it too last year! Didn't you say that it would be easier to fit into your schedule if we had it during the Obon festival?!
Rudolf: I've never said anything like that.
Eva: Oh yes, you did. I certainly wouldn't forget something like that!
Rudolf: No, I didn't... you're the one saying that all the time!
Eva: Didn't you know? Stopping a kick just a hair's breadth away is a very high-level technique.
Rudolf: Sheesh, women your age shouldn't spread their legs like that!
Dad and Eva oba-san's argument looked no different from a couple of brats quarreling...
George: Even though they normally behave like usual parents, they turn right back into kids again when they meet their siblings at these family conferences.
Battler: You're the one who looks like a real adult, analyzing it all calmly. ......I hope I never turn out like that old bastard. I'd much rather end up as an intellectual adult like you, Aniki.
George: Like me? Oh, I still have a long way to go. I still have very little experience out there in the real world, and I need to work on becoming more bold and sociable. ...I think you've far surpassed me on all of those counts, Battler-kun. I'm sure you'll outstrip me fast enough when you become an adult.
George-aniki scratched his head and laughed, as though trying to hide his embarrassment.
Of course, he was just being humble.
Aniki entered a university and became an apprentice at Hideyoshi oji-san's company at the same time, studying both academics and how to become a business emperor in parallel.
Then, right after graduating, he got into Hedeyoshi oji-san's comapny as his father's aide, piling up a lot of real-life experience as he devoted himself zealously to his work.
His great dream is to one day stand on his own and build up his own kingdom.
Aniki is a real paragon of a man, sparing no effort as he strives towards his goa. It's no exaggeration to say that I really respect him.
And then there's me. I'm nothing at all like Aniki.
I'm living my happy-go-lucky, idle high school life to the max.
I've got no dreams for the future!
I'd like to just sit back, stay cool, and let the money flow in, but of course that could never happen.
...When Aniki was my age, he had already formed an impressive objective and had started devoting himself towards studying for that goal, so I guess I can't compare at all.
My dad just says 'sure you can study at my company, if you like cleaning toilets'.
Dammit, I'm not gonna be in the debt of that old bastard.
I'll find my way myself!
............If only willpower was all it took to become an adult.
Should I go on one of those self-searching journeys that are all the rage these days?
......Well, it's not like I could mooch off my parents for that kind of money...
Right then, Hideyoshi oji-san shouted out loudly.
Oji-san is a really nice person on the whole, but he does have a problem controlling the volume of his voice.
When I looked over, I saw taht he was greeting Rosa oba-san, who had come late.
Hideyoshi: Ohoooooooooooooh!!! If it isn't Rosa-san! Maria-chan, long time no see!!
Maria: Long time no see-! Uu-!
Rosa: Maria! Shouldn't that be 'It's good to see yo again'? Greet your uncle properly.
Maria: Uu-. It's... good to see you again...
Hideyoshi: There you go! Well said! How about some candy as a reward?! .......Oh, huh? Where'd I put it...
Kyrie: Rosa-san, it's good to see you again. It's good to see you too, Maria-chan.
Rosa: It's been too long, Kyrie nee-san, Hideyoshi nii-san. ...And, ......oh my, Battler-kun?! Look how big you've gotten...!
Battler: Ah, come on, hahaha... It's embarrassing hearing that from every person I meet...!
Rudolf: Hey, Rosa. You're late. If the plane was on time, you'd barely have made it...
Rosa: I'm sorry. We had some trouble making our train connection. So, are we waiting on the weather again?
Eva: Oh, don't complain. I much prefer the 30 minute plane trip to spending six hours bouncing about on a boat. Even if we're kept waiting here for an hour, it's still much faster overall.
Hideyoshi: Maria-chan's gotten huge too!! So, how tall are you now?
Maria: Uu-! So, how tall am I now?!
Maria-chan parroted Hideyoshi oji-san's question, looking up at her mother.
I guess she doesn't remember her own height.
She's probably right in the middle of a growth spurt, so her height must change every month.
In just a few more years, she'll probably start looking very feminine.
Rosa: Umm, ...how tall were you the last time you got measured...? You keep getting bigger and bigger, don't you? Right?
Maria: Uu-!
Kyrie: I think she's grown a lot since last year. Let's see, she turned nine years old this year, didn't she?
Maria: Nine yeard old. Uu-.
George: That's right, you're nine years old now. Glad to see you're doing well too, Maria-chan! Up you...... nng... I guess you've gotten a bit too heavy to play airplane with...
Battler: George-aniki, what a rude thing to say to a lady. Here, I'll do it... up ya go~...
Maria: ......Uu-.
When I went to lift her up in Aniki's place, Maria stiffened defensively, staring suspiciously at my face.
...Ah, that's right. The last time I met Maria, it was six years ago, and she was only three years old.
Of course she doesn't remember my face.
Kyrie: Maria-chan, don't you remember? It's Battler-kun. You used to play together, remember?
Maria: .........Uu-.
Rudolf: No surprise, I guess. The last time she met Battler, she was only three. You don't keep memories at that age.
She must know everyone's face apart from mine because she meets them every year, but I haven't had contact with the Ushiromiya family for about six years now.
So, it's no surprise that this nine year old girl doesn't have any memories of me.
Even I can only just barely remember her being a three year old crybaby.
Rosa: Maria. This is Battler onii-chan. Rudolg nii-san's son. ...Understand?
Maria: .............The brother's son is... The brother is the son... ...............?? ......Uuuu---!!
She probably uses that 'uu-' sound to fill in the blanks when she can't understand a complicated explanation.
I guess that was a bit too confusing for her.
George: Maria-chan. This is Battler-kun. He's your cousin, like me.
Maria: ......Like George onii-chan? ...............Battler? Cousin? ......Uu-.
George: That's right. You got it.
This part of Aniki is what makes me really look up to him.
For someone who isn't married, he's just great at dealing with kids. I'm sure that he'll be an indulgent father in the future.
Maria: ...Battler onii-chan?
Maria looked straight at me with a questioning expression, as though asking whether it was alright to call me that.
Battler: Yes, that's me, Battler. Nice to meet you, Maria!
Maria: Uu-! Battler!
Rosa: Maria! You musn't talk to him like that! Call him Battler onii-chan...!
Battler: That's alright, Rosa oba-san. I don't sweat the small stuff. Hey, Maria! We're close enough that we don't need honorifics, right?!
Maria: Battler, Battler, Battleeerrr! Uu-uu-!
Battler: That's right, Maria, Maria, Mariaaa! Uu-uu-!!
We horsed around for a while to make up for the six year gap in our friendship.
She probably still thinks of me as nothing more than a big, new friend, but things'll probably work out as we get to know each other again.
But I'm surprised. She's just the way I remember her being six years ago.
Seems that people just don't change that much after all. I'm a bit happy that she's still the pure, innocent girl I remember.
Her name is written Maria.
...Of course, Maria is pronounced "Maria". The third character looks like a cross, which is pretty cool.
Her feelings don't usually show up on her face, so it can be difficult to know just what she's thinking, but that's just how she looks on the outside.
On the inside, she's just a sweet, normal girl.
Then there's Maria's mother, Rosa oba-san. She's my dad's younger sister.
Rosa is written Rosa. ...He's a name that's totally not Japanese.
Sorry to say it, but her name's almost as ridiculous as Dad's... I've got to respect her for not ending up as screwed up as he is.
...When I think about it, all the names in my family sound foreign.
Jus why is Grandfather so obsessed with this?
Because of him, even us grandchildren have to put up with this weird naming sense.
It's even more annoying since Grandfather's own name is perfectly normal.
Anyway, there's one thing about Rosa oba-san that's a relief compared to the other family members.
The old bastard and Eva oba-san have this annoying urge to tease and mock people all the time, but even though she shares their blood, Rosa oba-san isn't like that at all.
She has the most common sense among all the siblings.
Like Hideyoshi oji-san, she's a kind aunt who'll always be on the kids' side.
......However, possibly because she's more strict as a parent, she's not liberal with handing out spending money like Hideyoshi oji-san.
Alright. Now we have the entire group of family members who are going to board the plane.
Then, as though it had waited for us all to gather, an announcement rang out through the lobby.
Woman [announcement]: Our apologies for the wait. Boarding will now commence for flight 201 to Niijima. We ask that the passengers please form two lines in front of the counter, behind the white line.
Rudolf: Rosa, you still haven't gone through boarding procedures, right? Hurry up.
Rosa: Oh no...! Maria, come on!
Maria: Uu-!
We had to go though a metal detector before going out on the runway.
Our small place wasn't as massive as an international flight, but it was still a plane.
A staff member holding a metal detector checked us all.
Once all od us cleared the check, we followed the staff member out onto the runway.
Come to think of it, everyone here is in the Ushiromiya family.
It's like this is a reserved charter flight or something.
Our group stopped in front of the entrance to the airplane.
Then, our guide turned around and spoke, looking down at the passenger list as he did.
Guide: Boarding will now commence. As I call out the names on the passenger list, please take your seats in order, starting from the from row on the right side and going right and left, then onto the next row. I will now begin reading the passenger list. Ushiromiya Hideyoshi-sama!
Hideyoshi: Oh, I'm first! Right here! ...By the way, do you have some candy, Eva? I've been loonkin' all over for some, but I can't find any.
Guide: Ushiromiya Eva-sama.
Eva: They're in the handbag. I'll get one once we're inside the plane.
I've heard that candies are a good way to protect your ears from hurting because of variations in atmospheric pressure when landing or taking off.
That's probably what they're talking about.
Battler: ...Hope I get a window seat!
George: Hahaha, don't worry. There aren't any other kinds of seats.
As George-aniki said, there were apparently only two lines of seats.
So, this is what a small plane is like............. It isn't really going to shake, right....?
Guide: Ushiromiya George-sama.
George: Right here. Don't worry, Battler-kun. It won't shake too much.
Guide: Ushiromiya Battler-sama.
Battler: A-Aniki, what do you mean 'not too much'?! You can just swim if you fall from a boat, but if a plane crashes you're screwed, right?! We all get out own parachutes in our seats, don't we? Wait, we don't?!
Guide: Ushiromiya Rudolf-sama.
Rudolf: Come on, Battler, quit being a wuss and get in.
Battler: Ow! Dad! Don't push me! We don't get parachutes!
Guide: Ushiromiya Kyrie-sama.
Kyrie: Alright, stop fooling around. Let's move along.
Rudolf: Ow! Kyrie! Don't push me! This blockhead isn't moving!
Guide: Ushiromiya Maria-sama.
Maria: Uu-! Move, move!
Guide: Ushiromiya Rosa-sama.
Rosa: Maria! Be quiet.
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